At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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