I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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