i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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