Kiss
Puke
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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