I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
