9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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