I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
