My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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