does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dude. I can hear the air.
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