i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
