omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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