so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
