I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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