nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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