Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK

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(559): View more from California

Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(916): View more from California

It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.

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(303): View more from Colorado

She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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(248): View more from Michigan

So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

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(517): View more from Michigan

He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend

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