Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need mimosas to revive my soul
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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