Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
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It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend