The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something