Texts From Last Night

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  (740): View more from Ohio

  no more hot dogs for you........

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  fine no more vajj for you

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  (740): no more hot dogs for you........ (1-740): fine no more vajj for you http://tfl.nu/8nwe
  Replies (22) Good night (735) Bad night (2774)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?

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  (613): Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making? http://tfl.nu/bys4
  Replies (9) Good night (3699) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?

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  (765): Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis? http://tfl.nu/def9
  Replies (21) Good night (1137) Bad night (3077)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

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  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (2333) Bad night (13873)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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  (510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe
  Replies (34) Good night (1778) Bad night (9903)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"

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  (217): His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances" http://tfl.nu/5wgw
  Replies (11) Good night (1480) Bad night (703)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.

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  (607): Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan. http://tfl.nu/ogj8
  Replies (0) Good night (908) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.

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  (781): You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right. http://tfl.nu/fzy9
  Replies (3) Good night (931) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...

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  (360): Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one... http://tfl.nu/mmlz
  Replies (2) Good night (810) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.

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  (203): Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off. http://tfl.nu/jh7m
  Replies (5) Good night (357) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states

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  (860): I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states http://tfl.nu/e5c2
  Replies (0) Good night (729) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.

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  (781): THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD. http://tfl.nu/meda
  Replies (6) Good night (670) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"

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  (256): We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!" http://tfl.nu/7rwd
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."

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  (616): She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20." http://tfl.nu/9pz5
  Replies (4) Good night (332) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling

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  (217): You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling http://tfl.nu/odh7
  Replies (1) Good night (507) Bad night (197)

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