The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities