Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
