The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
