I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
