I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We are two peas in an std pod
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
