I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
