OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
