I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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