I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
