I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
