I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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