she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
