In America we eat man semen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
