How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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