Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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