Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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