You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
