Sponge bath it is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT