Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.