Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You pole danced in your parka.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"