Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.