You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.