Do you still have your period?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...