If that was your dad, he is hot
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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