Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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