why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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