onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
