my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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