Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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