found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
