I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
