She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
