You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
