How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
