and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
