Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
