Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
