woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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