i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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