Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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