Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
