i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
