Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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