I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
