Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
