Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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