fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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