he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
