Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's always time for handjobs
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
