you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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