So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
