i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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