Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
