You just made me feel so damn special
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
