i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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